Saturday, August 23, 2008
it hurts...it really really hurts...why do i always get this kind of things coming to me?everytime you make a hurtful comment i'll have to keep quiet...if i ever let the anger or frustration that i feel inside me near the surface u'll just flare up immediately...why?...i've tried so hard to understand everything but i can't...i'm not God, whether he existed or not...but whatever...sometimes it feels as if the world will just collapse around me and u won't even care cuz i'm just a passing phase in your life...honestly...i give and i give but nothing good ever comes out of it...sometimes i even start to wonder if everyone's just using me...and everytime that thot came up, i pushed it away...call me emo if u like but i seriously feel that way...i always have to put a fake smile on my face...hoping someone will notice...but it never happened...if i ever let it out...ppl start to say that i'm trying to seek attention or that i'm just pitying myself...i always have to be the "mature" one and tell ppl things like "it will be ok" and "everythings gonna work out fine"...i reach out to others and i always try to help them but no one ever tried to reach out to me...no one will ever understand me completely...many years ago another told me that she understood me and laid out my good and bad qualities...i'll be lying if i said that i wasn't impressed then...it was like she will always protect me...but as time goes by...she changed...i'm always seen as the black sheep...along with HIM...it hurt...i tried to look elsewhere for comfort but never was i offered any...no one bother to get to know me...they just know to fake me...the one who always keeps her mouth shut about the things that mattered...i can't stand it...i feed myself illusions that one day i'll be free of all this and someone will complete me...be it as a friend or a lifelong companion...but the world keeps telling me "think again honey, life's not a walk in the garden"...i can't even make myself cry...pathetic huh?it became a habit that i never liked to cry in front of ppl because i'll be showing them exactly how i am really like...helpless...vulnerable...unable to fend for myself...it really really hurts...
--Merci tout le monde--
9:36 AM
Saturday, August 09, 2008
Happy National Day!wow...had a great time just now at the floating platform...was partying...dancing...and sweating.hahas...yeah i really had a lot of fun...though there were embarrassing moments too...like when we were dancing to the song "Where I Belong", i accidently knocked off sharifah's hat and it actually landed off the stage and she had to dance without her cap...darn was it embarrassing...afterwards when Mr Lenny told her to retreive her hat...i got off the stage to get it for her...i mean i've already caused her enough embarrassment and since i was the one who knocked it out of her hand so it only seemed fair that i should go and get it...and during the grand finale everyone was like partying...human trains were everywhere...dancing...loud music...awesome...took pictures(a few) with Eden(Irene took even more indivual shots with him!)...today was just perfect(except for the part when i knocked off the hat) and i'll never ever forget it...i have never enjoyed myself that much in my life...i hope that we get to keep our props ^^
--Merci tout le monde--
9:07 AM
Saturday, August 02, 2008
Hi...i know i vry long never update already so don't need to scold me...just happen to look at my blog and realise how dead it really seems so since i have alot of time on my hands now, i decided to update ^^ anyway, i just got back from marina bay...what was i doing there?performing for ndp though today's just the preview...so must watch tv next saturday ar!(09/08/08) this year dunno why so lucky my school get chosen to perform with nine other schools for ndp...as for whaty segment i performing in, its the choir. When i came back home i was damn tired...dirty and sweaty...so now surfing the internet to pass time until the show i want to watch starts...hahas...so now here i am but not for long lols...ok i'm being damn lame...ok i think this is enough for now >.<>
--Merci tout le monde--
8:33 AM
