Monday, November 02, 2009
I feel so useless.Call me emo but I don't know.I don't know how to express myself.I'm not very original.I don't know how to react to different situations.I don't even know myself.So basically, I suck. Big time suck.I mean, I can tell I act so differently around different people and somehow,I think I'm tired of everything.I can't dress well,Heck, I don't even know what "nice" is.I don't know what kind of clothes are "nice".I don't know if clothes look good on me.I think I lie too much.I think I give too much to people.I think I don't give enough to people.I think I rely too much on people.I think I'm jealous of so many people.I think I'm such a dork.I think I'm too lame.I think I act like an idiot, but that's just to mask my true emotions.But..what're my true emotions in the first place?Honestly, I don't even know.Sometimes, I feel so alone in this whole.Don't get me wrong, I do have a complete family.But..somehow, something's just..not there.What the hell is it??Maybe it's the weather that's getting to me.Maybe it's just exam blues.Maybe it's 'cause my family's breaking up.Maybe it's 'cause I don't know how to react to it.Maybe it's 'cause I don't even feel sad about it.Maybe it's 'cause I'm not happy either.Maybe it's 'cause I'm blaming people for it.Maybe I'm just making excuses.Or maybe it's 'cause I'm so messed up.I don't think I'm being a good enough friend.I don't think I'm being a good enough daugther.I don't think I'm being a good enough sister.I don't think I'm being a good enough role model.I don't think I'm good enough at anything.I don't even think I'm good enough person.I think my attitude sucks.I think my appearance suck.I think my grades aren't good enough.I think I'm not even putting in any effort for my grades.I think I'm too lazy.I think I'm spending too much time on the computer.I think I can't stop.I think I'm just a dreamer.I think I live in my own world.I think my world isn't even perfect.I think I'll die alone.I think my life sucks.I think I'm being too selfish.I think everything's my fault.I think I asked for it.I think I'm the one who started it.I think I think too much.I know I'm rambling.I know I'm putting the blame on others.I know I irk people.I know people hate me.I know I can't blame them either.I know I'm terrible.I know I turn people off.I know it's my fault.I know I can't please people.I know I can't keep my promises.I know I'm a failure.I know I'm miserable.I know I avoid my fears.I know I know too much.I know yet I know nothing at all.I know I'm not mad.I know.I can tell I'm wallowing in self-pity.I can tell alot of people believe in me.I can tell alot of people is supporting me.I can tell alot of people expect more of me.I can tell I'm not believing in myself.I can tell I'm not helping myself.I can tell I'm letting all these people down.What's wrong with me??
--Merci tout le monde--
11:08 PM
